Is there a trial not going your way? Well, listen up attorneys. You could always just claim that the opposing lawyer’s assistant is distracting the jury with her buxom body. What? That’s just what one Chicago based counselor has done.
Komo News reports that attorney Thomas Gooch “accused his opponent’s young, big-breasted assistant of distracting the jury in a small claims case and asked the judge that she sit away from the counsel’s table in the courtroom.” I don’t know about her breasts… but that takes some big balls to concoct. Maybe you should take your distracting testicles to the back of the room as well? Hey, fair is fair. Gooch was quoted by the Chicago Daily Law Bulletin saying, “Personally, I like large breasts. However, I object to somebody I don’t think is a qualified paralegal sitting at the counsel table, when there’s already two lawyers there, dressed in such a fashion as to call attention to herself.”
First of all, how offended must the jury be? He’s basically making the assumption that a nice pair of tits is enough to turn these seemingly fine functioning minds into salacious mush. Objection! Secondly, we’re on trial here for a used car dispute people. I could understand if it was murder proceedings and there was the potential of a life sentence… but we’re not. In fact, I think used car trials are so boring, they aught to make some hotties to look at a standard practice.
News sources that have gotten wind of and carried the story have not been able to get a description of what paralegal Daniella Atencia was wearing that was so questionable, but we can clearly see in the picture above that she is dressed quite appropriately. In fact, the only thing I find particularly distracting about her entire ensemble are those glasses you can see Jupiter with which I’d expect to see a reporter sporting at the Daily Planet in the original ‘Superman’ movie. Honestly, what the hell year was this taken? Anyway… moving on.
Ms. Atencia’s boss, Dmitry Feofanov, spoke with Telegraph and said his college-educated assistant has a “brilliant legal mind” and is “overqualified as a paralegal.” Then again, how else would a man speak about his wife? That’s right! The two are married. Come on guys… you and I both know that there’s a little part of this guy’s brain throwing a celebration. It’s now national news that his young hot big breasted wife was so pretty she’s messing up the case. I don’t think we need a verdict here to see who he thinks already won!
A decision by the judge hasn’t been made as of yet… however I have a feeling this argument is going to backfire (and yes, that was a used car reference).
(Image from Chicago Sun-Times via AP)Tags: boobs, breasts, case, Chicago, Court, trial, used car