Stock The Rocket With Bananas! We Have A Monkey Astronaut


The common sarcastic saying, “Well, you don’t have to be rocket scientist…” is about to become even more comical. Iran, who has already claimed to have sent a stuffed monkey into space, is bringing their monkeying around to a new level.

According to recent Iranian television reports, they plan to launch a live monkey into space aboard its Kavoshgar-5 rocket this summer! Umm… I’ve seen monkeys who have learned to ride bicycles… but just exactly how easy have Iranian rocket ships become to drive?

Hamid Fazeli, who’s the head of Iran’s Space Organization, said, “the Kavoshgar-5 rocket will be launched between July 23 and August 23, with a capsule carrying a monkey to an altitude of 74 miles.” Now this little hobby of sending live animals into space is nothing new for the people of Iran. Nope… for some reason unknown, it seems to be turning into an odd tradition. As reported by the Global Post, “in 2010, the Islamic republic sent small animals into space, including a rat, turtle and worms, on its Kavoshgar-3 rocket.”

What is the deal? Are they giving the possible life in outer space something new to play with? I can understand shooting a rat into space… they’re gross and would be a turn off to other celestial beings. But a monkey? Monkeys are awesome! Don’t show aliens that. They’re so cool, that might be enough to push them over the edge and invade our asses just to see what other fun living organisms we have going on down here. Any sorry people… when you look at earth and all the amazing creatures we have, humans probably won’t even make the top ten on the galaxy interest list.

The Australian Broadcasting Company reported that “the mission will fulfill the promise made by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in February on the anniversary of the Islamic Revolution that a capsule would transport a living monkey into the heavens for the country.” Alright, maybe we just require more answers from our leaders regarding the reasoning behind their decisions in this nation, but has anybody asked the space program “why?”

And I’m sure this will gain some brownie points with PETA, but did anybody ask the space monkey if he cares to travel? He might not even be a fan of a long car ride for all we know. So, “ooo-ooo ah-ah!” Until we can get a translator, (preferably the same woman who speaks sign language with Koko the gorilla) I say hold off on the blast off!

(Image from NASA)

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