Till Death Do Us Part: Or At Least Until We End It

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I honestly believe that the global proverb committee aught to rethink the saying, “What happens in Vegas… Stays in Vegas.” If for no other reason… how about the clap? But really… I’m glad the Vegas city limits are less than a fortress of security when it comes to wild tales because if they were, we would have never heard about this crazy couple whose lives ended right at the chapel where the journey began.

According to the Las Vegas Review-Journal, “Patricia and Bruce Wright were barely adults when they married forty years ago at a Charlotte County church in Florida.” Then randomly on Sunday, the couple – who moved to Las Vegas after the nuptials – suddenly returned to the church to kill themselves. Hmm… I’ve heard of renewing your vows but I’m pretty sure there isn’t a suicide portion of the celebration. But then again, I guess some marriages would see that as the reward they’ve been waiting a lifetime for. Ever notice the guy sitting next to that nagging pain in the ass usually has a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other? You know what he’s thinking while being told everything he’s ever done is wrong? “If this is life, what the f**k am I clinging to?”

The report goes on to state that “A pastor found the couple about 7:30 a.m. Sunday under a tree behind Friendship United Methodist Church. A rifle and shotgun were beside their bodies.” They couldn’t have been that out of sink with each other. Think about it. Two guns. Two people. You better pull the trigger at the right time or one of you has to start dating again.

Naturally, the first thing police who have deemed the deaths a suicide asked relatives was, why? One family member commented, “For us, it was a situation where we thought some things had gone bad in their lives. Maybe they went into debt, or the stock market kicked them around. But in reality, we have no idea about their financial situation.” Another member of the family said they had heard about the possibility that the couple was thinking of leaving Las Vegas to move to California. You know… because we’re doing so well in this state. I guess we can rule out financial woes.

Although they have no ownership in any Clark County property, police are not considering them drifters even based on their lack of communication with family and constant moving habits. Some feel they may have simply been on vacation and made a spontaneous decision. I’m not sure if I would classify this as spontaneous though. Spontaneity in a strange town is pulling into an unknown deli and ordering the special even though you don’t like the look of the catfish. I highly doubt they were driving down the street and one turned to the other and said, “Hey honey… There’s the church where we got married. Why don’t we grab the two guns that just so happen to come with the rental car and blow our brains out?” Hmm… let’s see. Try the mom and pop version of IHOP… or kill myself? Gotta tell ya pookey… It’s a toss up. As of now, the case is riddled with speculation without concrete evidence or facts. Luckily, Mr. and Mrs. Bang Bang left no children behind.

Dear Vegas,
What the hell are you pumping into the air? Open some of the casino doors and give the locals some oxygen!

(Image from The Inquisitor)

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