It’s no secret that if Donald Trump’s ego was a natural resource, water would no longer be impressive covering 71% of Earth. It would quickly take a back seat to our favorite self aggrandizing bloated comb-over.
It’s already comical that Trump took time in his standard self-congratulatory fashion to announce his authority and influence in the reveal of President Obama’s birth certificate. Yes, Donald… what would our government and citizens do without you reminding us how much we all need your infinite wisdom and mediator skills. Don’t you have some rents to collect?
You know, it’s one thing to walk around a billionaire thanks to daddy’s head start and delusion yourself that your sh*t doesn’t stink… but to try to convince the country to buy into the same fantasy is incongruous. It seems to me that Trump’s ostentatious antics were palpable before he ‘purchased’ his NBC show, “The Apprentice.” Now, his vainglorious psychosis has reached a new level. For some reason, he feels that he is in some way an entertainer that recently has invoked mini wars by bad-mouthing A list celebs like Robert De Niro and Jerry Seinfeld. What?!
Donald baby, listen up and listen good. I – as I’m sure many others – stand in awe at the vast fortune and brand you’ve brought the name Trump to stand for. You are a true business idol. However, (that’s right, there’s a “but” in here and here it comes) you are NOT an entertainer! You never have been and you never will be. You are a real estate developer that for some reason had the audacity to even wrap his name around a water bottle for a while there. I’ll be honest, I had one of those waters. Delicious… but I had the urge to piss in a homeless guy’s coin cup. No matter how many talented creative individuals you have the honor to meet or pleasure of saying, “You’re Fired!” to, you will never truly be one of them. Congruously, they will never be you. There are many items that we would like your advice and guidance on… and unfortunately, none of them lie in the Hollywood scene. You should stick to what you do best. Construct another multimillion dollar project in New York that casts another shadow on Hoboken and leave the entertainment world alone to the entertainers. I think I know what happened here. It was a mere miscommunication. Being entertaining to entertainers isn’t the same gift the entertainers possess. I understand how that can be tricky. Reread it if you must. But, like Jerry Seinfeld told “Extra,” “I love Donald Trump, all comedians love Donald Trump. If God gave comedians the power to invent people, the first person we would invent is Donald Trump… God’s gift to comedy.” Clear?
By the way DT, you felt the need to point out in your slam letter to Seinfeld after he pulled out of your son Eric’s charity benefit that, his show, “The Marriage Ref,” is a failure. Ironic since you usually like to button up your long winded answers with the tag-line we’ve all heard you say time and time again, “I’m the best!” How come you never seem to bring up your casino empire which was the first one to disprove the saying, “The house always wins.” What’s that smell… Failure?
I hope this article finds you well.
Your buddy (and another one of those pesky comic entertainers),
(Image from Huffington Post)Tags: Donald Trump, Jerry Seinfeld, New York, Robert De Niro, The Apprentice, The Marriage Ref, You're Fired